After the news has been broken to Tom that his wife has died i believe that the most appropriate response would be option 2.
“This is such a shock for you, would you like me to phone your daughter or stay with you while you phone her?”

I think option 1. is inappropriate as it might appear to be undermining his grief by saying it has really upset you. The focus should be on him at this point and not on how you are feeling.

Option 3. and 4. both seem a bit cold. You would be simply handing him something and letting him get on with it. Certainly both of these things would need to be done at some point but it seems like a more humane thing to do to offer to stay with him whilst he speaks to someone else in his family, so that he can get support emotional support from someone else who really knows how he is feeling.

You could then later move on to handing over his wife’s belongings and offering information leaflets and offering to go through them with him.