Mary Adams – Collaborative Discussion Question

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What would you say to Tom after the news has been broken to him about his wife. Which of the below is the most approriate response?

1. I am so sad she was a lovely lady it has really upset me.
2. This is such a shock for you would you like me to phone your daughter or stay with you while you phone her?
3. Here are the information leaflets about what to do after someone dies.
4. Let me get her clothes for you. Have you got a bag?

[Diana Margaret Thornton]

After the news has been broken to Tom that his wife has died i believe that the most appropriate response would be option 2.
“This is such a shock for you, would you like me to phone your daughter or stay with you while you phone her?”

I think option 1. is inappropriate as it might appear to be undermining his grief by saying it has really upset you. The focus should be on him at this point and not on how you are feeling.

Option 3. and 4. both seem a bit cold. You would be simply handing him something and letting him get on with it. Certainly both of these things would need to be done at some point but it seems like a more humane thing to do to offer to stay with him whilst he speaks to someone else in his family, so that he can get support emotional support from someone else who really knows how he is feeling.

You could then later move on to handing over his wife’s belongings and offering information leaflets and offering to go through them with him.

[Lauren Blair]

I would take tom to a private room and after telling him the news his wife has passed I would use option 2 ‘this is such a shock for you would you like me to phone your daughter or stay with you while you phone her?’ This is because I think this would be a comfort to Tom as he know he can call someone for support and also you wont leave him if he doesn’t want you too.

i feel all other options are very abrupt and option one would be hard to say as you didn’t know her personally and this could cause offence to Tom as he may feel it is a lie and may feel hurt you are saying that.

[Kerry O’Reilly]

I completely agree with Dianna here.
The most appropriate option would be number 2 “This is such a shock for you would you like me to phone your daughter or stay with you while you phone her?”. The nurse is showing empathy towards Tom and is offering support.

Number 1 is self-centred “I am so sad she was a lovely lady it has really upset me”. This response doesn’t focus on the patient’s needs and concerns. Instead, this could offend Tom as he may be frustrated that the nurse feels like she can relate to how he is feeling.

[Paul Sunny]

Yes I also agree that option 2 is the most appropriate response here. Tom has walked in when the care team was giving CPR and he just seen his wife die in front of him suddenly. So her death was completely unexpected for him and he needs to be talked very gently and carefully. He has lost his wife and the conversation should be about his grief and what he is feeling and what I can do to support him in that moment. Offering to call his daughter is also helpful because she will be able to support him also, but asking him insensitive things like leaflets or taking Mary’s bag is not the right thing to do straightaway.

[Yaa Asare]

Yes agree with you all that option 2 is the most appropriate among the 4.

[Premdevi]

I agree with everyone, option 2 is more appropriate than others. Like Diana mentioned the focus should be on him and in providing family centred care. Caring and Compassionate approach must be used to empathise his loss. However, student nurse must also maintain professionalism as Tom could be in a state of shock therefore effective verbal and non-verbal communication must be used to support and guide him. As mentioned in option 2, to ring his daughter or take him somewhere quiet to decompress the situation and give him privacy.

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